Prompt List of Sarcasm [3]

[eternalmikaelson]

1. “I’d give you a nasty look but you’ve already got one.”
   
2. “If you’re going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty.”
   
3. “I love what you’ve done with your hair. How do you get it to come out of the nostrils like that?" 
   
4. "If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curning the world.”
   
5. “The only way you’ll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken’s ass and wait." 
   
6. "It looks like your face caught fire and someone tried to put it out with a hammer." 
   
7. "If I wanted a bitch, I’d have bought a dog." 
   
8. "I’ve seen people like you before, but I had to pay admission." 
   
9. "Scientists say the universe is made up of neutrons, protons and electrons. They forgot to mention morons." 
   
10. "Why is it acceptable for you to be an idiot but not for me to point it out?" 
    
11. "Your family tree must be a cactus because everyone on it is a prick.”
    
12. “You’ll never be the man your mother is/was." 
    
13. "Did you know they used to be called ‘Jumpolines’ until your mum jumped on one?" 
    
14. "Just because you have one doesn’t mean you need to act like one." 
    
15. "I’m sorry, was I meant to be offended? The only thing offending me is your face." 
    
16. "Someday you’ll go far… and I hope you stay there." 
    
17. "You wanna know what sex position produces the ugliest children? Ask your mother." 
    
18. "Stupidity’s not a crime, so you’re free to go." 
    
19. "Your doctor called with your colonoscopy results. Good news! They found your head." 
    
20. "You’re not stupid; you just have bad luck when thinking." 
    
21. "If you really want to know about mistakes, you should ask your parents." 
    
22. "I was hoping for a battle of wits but you appear to be unarmed." 
    
23. "Awe, it’s so cute when you try to talk about things you don’t understand.”
    
24. “It’s better to let someone think you’re stupid than open your mouth and prove it.”
    
25. “I’ve been called worse by better." 
    
26. "Don’t you get tired of putting makeup on two faces every morning?" 
    
27. "You have your entire life to be a jerk. Why not take today off?”
    
28. “Your ass must be pretty jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth.”
    
29. “Remember when I asked for your opinion? Me neither.”
    
30. “If you’re waiting for me to care, I hope you brought something to eat, ‘cause it’s gonna be a really long time.”
    
31. “I’m not a proctologist, but I know an asshole when I see one.”
    
32. “You only annoy me when you’re breathing, really.”
    
33. “Do yourself a favor and ignore anyone who tells you to be yourself. Bad idea in your case.”
    
34. “I don’t know what your problem is, but I’m guessing it’s hard to pronounce.”
    
35. “Do your parents even realize they’re living proof that two wrongs don’t make a right?”
    
36. “Remeber that time I said I thought you were cool? I lied." 
    
37. "Everyone’s entitled to act stupid one in awhile, but you really abuse the privilege." 
    
38. "I can’t help imagining how much awesomer the world would be if your dad had just pulled out?" 
    
39. "Do you ever wonder what life would be life if you’d gotten enough oxygen at birth?" 
    
40. "Good story, but in what chapter do you shut the fuck up?" 
    
41. "Were you born on the highway? That is where most accidents happen." 
    
42. "If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I’d fart." 
    
43. "Are you always such an idiot, or do you just show off when I’m around?" 
    
44. "There are some remarkably dumd people in this world. Thanks for helping me understand that." 
    
45. "You’re about as useful as a screen door on a submarine." 
    
46. "Whenever we hang out, I remember that God really does have a sense of humor.
    
47. "It’s kind of hilarious watching you try to fit your entire vocabulary into one sentence.”
    
48. “Please just tell me you don’t plan to home-school your kids.”
    
49. “You always bring me so much joy—as soon as you leave the room." 
    
50. “If I threw a stick, you’d leave right?” 

---

It was high requested for me to make another Prompt List of Sarcasm. 

Of course you are welcomed to use it - just tag me in it of course. 

Prompt List of Sarcasm: 1 & 2

Masterlist - Request